Workplace Distractions
by alittlegreenrosetta
Summary: Smut one-shot. Takes place about six months after Hellequin Honeymoon. The Joker and Harley are making life more annoying for Chicago's mob bosses but sometimes you just need an easy cash grab to keep the goons in beer and skittles. And if the job gets a little boring you can always make your own fun...Part 3 in the Broken Heart, Broken Mind series.


"Hey, Boss!" Spider called from the front of the delivery truck they were sitting in.

The Joker was lost in an erotic haze but Spider's voice was beginning to enter his consciousness. Not exactly his first choice of voices to hear when he had a hard on. He pulled away from Harley's passionate kisses and tried to become more aware of his surroundings. Harley moved on to kissing his throat instead. They were sitting against the wall of the inside of a laundry truck that they'd stolen. That's right, they were on a job but it involved a lot of waiting around so he and Harley had gotten bored and that had led to making out. It didn't matter that Spider and… Otto? were sitting in the front of the truck. He knew the guys would rather Harley distract him when he was bored than that he be left to make his own fun. Before he could respond to Spider the world started getting fuzzy again. Harley had wormed her hand into the fly of his pants and he, once again, couldn't think straight with all the squeezing and stroking she was doing. He needed to think of something as unsexy as possible. Commissioner Gordon. Ok, that was working. Commissioner Gordon naked. Better but he needed something even less appealing. Commissioner Gordon's mustache. Yep, that did it. He pulled Harley's hand out of his pants and zipped up.

"They about here, Spider?" The Joker called up to the front.

"Yeah, Billy spotted them down the road, should be about 5-10 minutes now." Spider replied.

The Joker noticed that Harley was trying to undo his pants again and slapped her hand away. He looked up to the front of the truck and saw that Otto was turned around and staring at them. He glared at him in an extremely intimidating way but Otto didn't even blink. The Joker followed the angle of Otto's staring and found himself looking down at Harley's chest or more specifically her breasts which were most of the way out of her shirt. Judging by the smears of red and white make up on them that must have been his doing.

"See something you like Otto?" The Joker growled while flicking open a switchblade in Otto's line of sight.

"Yes, Boss! No, I mean no, Boss! Er…" Otto looked perplexed about what the appropriate stance on the Boss's girl's tits was. Spider smacked him on the back of the head.

"Turn around, dumbass! You keep doing stupid shit like that and the boss is gonna leave you by the side of the road with your throat cut." Spider warned.

The Joker laughed and turned to deal with Harley. She was still gnawing away at his neck and had resettled her hand in between the button holes of his shirt, sliding her fingers over any little bits of flesh she could reach. He firmly yanked on the pig tail furthest from him to pull her face away from where it was nuzzled against his neck. She moaned, it sounded obscene. He could count on Harley for a lot of things but cooling down a sexual situation was not one of them. When she realized that the hair pulling was not foreplay she finally opened her eyes and looked at him.

"What?" She asked in a confused voice, her eyes looking dazed.

"It's time, Harls, get your clothes back on and get ready to help me with the job."

"The job?" Her voice was still vague.

"The armored truck, Harley. Snap out of it, there'll be time for more fun later." He snapped his fingers in front of her face as he said it. She finally seemed to become aware of her surroundings.

"Oh, right, the money." She said in a bored tone. The truck should have close to ten million dollars in it but it was clear she found that far less interesting than what was in his pants. There wasn't another girl in the whole world like his Harlequin.

She was composed and ready to work by the time Spider pulled their truck out onto the highway they'd been waiting by. They were a bit ahead of the armored car and as soon as the distance looked correct in his side mirror, Spider let the Boss know it was go time. The Joker grabbed his rocket launcher and rolled up the back door of the delivery truck. Before the security guards in the armored truck had a chance to react the Joker fired the rocket. It hit the front of the truck and he watched while the truck flipped onto its side and slid to a halt. Spider stopped their truck and they all jumped out and quickly ran over to the downed truck. They needed to work as fast as possible. This was an isolated stretch of road which was why they had chosen it but the faster they worked the less likely they were to be interrupted. Spider and Otto headed to the back where it was their job to blow the lock on the door and start transferring the money to their stolen truck. Spider was the best explosives man that Joker had ever seen and could be relied upon to keep Otto on task. Joker and Harley checked in on the two men in the front of the truck. The passenger had been thrown out of the truck and lay dead on the side of the road. The Joker jabbed his knife into the man's heart just to be sure. In the old days he would have left the knife there with a Joker card attached but they were keeping a low profile these days

"We gotta live one over here, Mr. J!" Harley squealed, clearly delighted. He left the dead man and joined Harley where she was standing over the driver as he tried to drag himself away from her.

"He tried to run away so I introduced his knee caps to good ole Slugger." She beamed at him and waved her bat in the man's direction while she talked.

"Good girl, Harley." He gave her a pat on the head as he walked past her. The Joker kicked the driver hard enough in the ribs that he was forced over onto his back. The man looked up to him and then the pain on his face was replaced with abject terror. Oh goody, he must be a Gotham native.

"J-J-J-J….J-J-J-"The man stuttered.

"Well, spit it out! _Joker_ , is that what you are trying to say my inarticulate friend?" The Joker smiled at him and then squatted down near the man. He flicked out a knife and held it near one side of the man's mouth. The man nodded slightly, being careful not to come in contact with the knife.

"You must be from Gotham, how is my fair city these days? _Missing me_?" The Joker grabbed the man's chin and forced his knife into the man's mouth. The driver scrunched his eyes closed and tears started flowing down his face.

"Now then…" He looked down at the man's name badge on his shirt. "Evan, this is usually the part where I tell my victim the story of how I got my scars. Just a little chance for me to share a personal moment before we part ways but, uh, Evan, I'm a little pressed for time so you'll excuse me if I just skip right to the killing you part."

He sliced the side of the man's mouth and then with a quick stroke in the other direction sliced his throat open. He left Evan mutely bleeding out on the side of the road.

"Have fun, Harley." He told her before going to the back of the armored truck to see how the guys were progressing. He could hear her little screams of rage and the repeated bloody thunks of her bat behind him. Spider and Otto were in the truck and had most of the money packed into large purple duffle bags. Joker grabbed two of them and hauled them to the delivery truck with Otto and Spider running their own bags ahead of him. They knew that if they didn't get the bags moved over fast enough they'd end up being left behind. Well maybe not Spider, Joker thought, he really was talented at making things go boom. While he waited for the truck to be loaded he watched Harley's batting practice. The man was pulverized but she hadn't run out of steam yet. Probably feeling a little frustrated from their interrupted encounter in the back of the truck.

"Wrap it up, Cupcake, time to head home." He said warning her of their impending departure and she immediately stopped swinging her bat and wiped it clean on the leg of Evan's uniform pants. When she was satisfied that she'd gotten the blood and other bits of gore off she skipped past him towards the truck. It was high enough off the ground she should have had trouble getting in but she was a talented gymnast and easily pushed herself up with her arms and did some sort of tumbling roll into the back, her skirt lifting and showing off little ruffled black panties. The boys had been sliding the bags of money as far back into the truck as possible so she sat down in the back near the door waiting for him to join her. She was bouncing and fidgeting a bit. Between the make out session and her little taste of violence there was no chance they weren't about to fuck. He laughed to himself at the idea of resisting her, teasing and tormenting her some more but then she got on her hands and knees and crawled forward into the truck to move some of the duffle bags around and make a little chair for herself. At the sight of her ass in the air his cock jumped. It might still be funny to deny himself, there was a joke in there somewhere, but not one he was interested in telling.

He pulled himself into the truck and crawled toward where she was sitting on her little throne of what was probably several hundred thousand dollars. Their eyes locked and a sort of animal heat could be felt between them. He got up on his knees and she wrapped her legs behind his back while he put his hands on her hips and started kissing her. He sucked and bit her bottom lip while looping his thumbs under the sides of her panties and began to pull them off. She lifted her bottom in an effort to help him. He could feel how wet the panties were as he shoved them into his jacket pocket. Her hands were unbuttoning his vest and then she helped him push off his jacket and vest at the same time.

"We're all set, Boss, I'll get the door." Spider said from behind him in a perfectly normal voice as though he didn't know what was about to happen in the back of the truck. The Joker just grunted and waved him away.

Now that they had a little more privacy he pulled Harley's legs away from his hips and spread them so he could slide his hand between them. He pushed a finger into her and then another, curling them up a little so he could stroke that little spot inside that makes her scream. He loves hearing Harley scream. Right now her screams were being shouted down his throat. He shoved his tongue further into her mouth and twisted it around hers. He trailed his lips down her face; kissing, nipping and licking further down her neck until he came to her breasts. He pushed her top down so he had better access to them. There was no denying that Harley had fantastic tits. They were round and full, her pink nipples a little large, just right for sucking and licking. He flicked each one with his tongue, putting a little force into it and making her moan and cry out. The truck finally started forward and it threw them both back a little. The Joker managed to keep his balance but Harley fell further onto his fingers and screamed with delight. As the ride smoothed out they re-positioned themselves so that he was now sitting on the bags and she was straddling his lap. She reached down to undo his pants and he pulled his fingers out of her. They were wet and glistening, he was tempted to lick them. Instead he shoved his fingers into her mouth to let her clean them off. She sucked at them like she was sucking his cock, pulling them as deep into her mouth as she can and swirling her tongue around them. She had one hand on his shoulder for balance and the other wrapped around his actual cock, squeezing and stroking his rock hard erection. They may have just started touching each other but there was enough excitement leftover from earlier that neither of them want to delay things.

He took his fingers out of her mouth and pulled her down for another deep kiss. He could taste her pussy on her tongue. He moaned in pleasure at the taste and she giggled a little. Her hand was still wrapped around his cock, sliding it down her folds to her wet opening. She held on to him while slipping the head of his cock in and out of her, teasing and never letting him push all the way in until both of them were close to coming, too close. He grabbed her wrist and stopped her while they both breathed heavily, and stared into each other's eyes. Finally she nodded at him a little to let him know she was in control of herself again. He grabbed her thighs and pulled them further apart while she lowered herself onto his cock. She instantly started screaming and moaning again so he waited a moment before he moved within her. She was so warm and wet. She shifted her body up and down just a little to encourage him to move. She tried to take control and ride his cock but he grabbed her hips and held her still. Harley was begging him now; that was what he had been waiting for. She was kissing and petting him, pleading with him; she'd do anything if he would just please please fuck her. Perfect. Still holding her hips he thrust up into her forcefully and she screamed out. He did this over and over, not letting her control their pace, she's a greedy girl and would take off at a crazy gallop, coming in seconds. This way he can draw it out at least for a few minutes.

He pushed in and pulled out at his own pace which is just a little slower than she needed it to be to get off. She wanted to so badly though, pleading, begging, cajoling and then threatening and eventually, as it always does with Harley, it turned to violence. She bit his shoulder hard and he laughed at her. She started punching at his chest with her little fists and wiggled furiously in an attempt to get free of his grip. He laughed harder. Her bat was out of reach, thank goodness, or he'd probably have some broken ribs by now. All of her wiggling and hitting was starting to have a profound effect on his cock and he was feeling less and less in control. She slapped him across the face and his eyes rolled back in pleasure. In her attempt to hit him as hard as she could she had inadvertently tightened her muscles around him, the pleasure was overwhelming. His laughter was getting wilder and he moved his hands off her hips and up to her breasts. Finally free from his grip she started riding him as fast as she could, grinding her clit against his pelvic bone with each plunge down. Just as he felt his balls tighten for his impending orgasm her whole body stiffened and she started shrieking and crying out. It sounded like he was murdering someone in the back of the van; not today, anyway. She held him to her tightly and stopped moving as she rode out the rest of her orgasm. He was too close to wait it out so he flipped her over so her back was on the duffle bags and he was on his knees, thrusting into her as hard and fast as he could until he finally exploded into her. They lay there entwined and panting for a minute or two. He could feel her vaginal muscles pulsing and twitching around him. His semi-soft penis started hardening again inside her and as soon as she felt it she looked at him with a big silly grin and started gently thrusting until they were both back at full arousal and going for round two.

Spider and Otto sat in the front of the van in an awkward silence. They had at least a half an hour drive back to the hideout. Even before they started the van they could hear moaning and sighing. Spider turned on the radio to try to block out the noise and that worked for a while. Then things must have escalated in the back because they could hear Harley's voice.

"Oh, Mr. J please fuck me, please, I need it so bad. Fuck me, fuck me, FUCK ME! You bastard! I hate you! If you loved me you'd fuck me right now! Make me come now!"

Then the sound of the Joker laughing joined into her high pitched screeching. It sounded like a stag film made in a madhouse. Otto looked over at Spider. He knew this guy had been working for the boss since way back but Otto had only been on the payroll for a little over a month. In that time he'd heard the boss going at it with the little blond way more than he wanted.

From the back of the truck they heard the boss moan loudly and then a series of little yelps and squeaks out of Harley.

At first the whole thought grossed Otto out, what was wrong with this girl that she would fuck someone like the Boss? He was a freak in every sense of the word. Over time though the sounds started to get to him. They'd hear the boss now and then but mostly it was Harley, she was a screamer. Speaking of which, there she went. Otto had never made a woman sound like that. He wondered if it was something special the boss was doing or if it was the girl herself. He wasn't going to ask the Joker for sex tips but he was more than slightly curious about what it was like to fuck Harley. He bet she'd be a real wild ride, the crazy ones always were and she was the craziest chick he'd ever seen. Just as he was starting to think the noises from the back were over they started up again. Maybe he was wrong, maybe the Joker was some sort of fuck machine. Maybe that was the universe's way of making up for his ugly face and jacked up brain.

"Hey Spider, you ever get it on with Harley?" Otto asked. Spider was so surprised by the question that he lost control of the car and they swerved out of their lane.

"Are you fucking insane, man? Don't even say shit like that or I know for a fact you will not live to see the next day. I've seen the Boss kill men for a lot less than that."

"Sorry, I just figured if she'd fuck the boss she'd put out for anyone. I mean look at the guy." Otto shrugged.

"It's been nice knowing you man. You got ideas like that in your head, you're as good as dead already."

"Well ya don't gotta be a dick about it, I was just curious."

Suddenly a screeching wail rang out from the back of the van that was so high pitched it sounded inhuman. Then they heard a loud animalistic roar followed by a series of masculine grunts and loud high pitched squeaks. Spider and Otto looked over at each other and then straight ahead. Spider turned the radio up louder.


End file.
